Random Thoughts on the Job

I'm a massage therapist...
And I love my job!! This isn't like a last resort thing "because I dropped out of community college and I'm too old to not have a high paying career with a 401k". This really is my calling. I love modeling too, but have you seen me on any billoards, cd's, music videos yet? No.. frankly I'm not thin enough for the mainstream and I refuse to eat twigs, smoke crank and drink nothing but water all day just to get a flat ass.. AND.. I DON'T WANT a flat ass!! And did you know that 8 times out of 10 my titties are too BIG??? Not in a million years would I have thought titties would be too big for ANYTHING!! So underground, non-paying modeling gigs as a modeling career turn into a hobby that I dig into when I have the time. I mean sure, if I stay on Myspace enough and I talk to every single person that talks to me, I may end up having my own reality show. But be honest.. who wants to see me sitting in class, playing the Nintendo Wii with my daughter and drinking Jamba Juice on EVERY SINGLE episode? Not really a rating booster for MTV or VH1. Now if they wanted to do a reality show about me developing my career as a massage therapist, then that would be pretty sweet. And I'm sure it would be very interesting!!
Anyhow.. as a therapist I must confess that things run through my brain a lot. There are a lot of things I've thought, done and even had to say..
Disclaimer: Some of them are embarrassing to me, and some may be embarrassing to the client, but I never EVER try to embarrass them. If something goes on that they can't control, I handle it very professionally and I never hold it against them or try to make them feel bad about it, and NO therapist should EVER make thier cleints uncomfortable or try to humiliate them in ANY way. And if you have, you're an asshole and should be reported to ABMP. This is just a slight parody. Things marked with a (*) are denoted as things a therapist should NEVER say to their client... okay??? I'm just recalling some events I've come across and kinda giggling about it... kay??

Now that we've gotten out of the way...

(Thought) Umm.. somebody please come up with something a little more original than "Do you give happy endings?" You know I don't.. and if I did, you couldn't afford that trip to Boston, pally. (for those not knowing, a trip to boston is a B.J) It was funny when I first heard it, but it's not cute anymore, so stop it. Be more creative... say something like.. "So you treat the knotty, huh?" I mean it's ok to joke with me like that. All I'm sayin is the happy ending joke is older than Jesus' first soiled diaper.

Sure, I'll do your feet! I'm the foot effin master! But... do you think maybe you could wash dem shits before you get here? Slough all that hard dead skin off?? Maybe cut down dem eagles claws?? I got one!! Take them damn socks off before you get on the table?? I didn't have to know that you've been wearing the same pair for over a week. Yes you have! Your socks are blacker than the crease under my booty cheeks!!!*

Gooooooood.. Sleeeeeeeeep!! Goooooood! Relaaaaaaax! Let it all gooooo!! Sl.... *sniff* *sniff* Ok.. he let it ALL go!! OHHHH!! What did u eat before you got here? A bowl of SHITTY PEBBLES?

O.. O sir?? I asked you to disrobe and get UNDER the sheets.. yea.. No NO... I'll wait out here until you're ready.. Yea, I'm sure about that.. VERY sure! Yea,no don't move til I'm out the room, kay? oookay.

Damn!!! How am I sweating so much??!! It's not like I'm on the treadmill or anything.. Talk about massage pilates!!!

Man, I hate when my armpits make that noise when I get to sweatin n movin!! He probably thinks I'm fartin over here!!

Dang! It's only been 5 minutes??... OR... Dang!! It's been an hour already??

Sir, if I go any deeper, I'll squish your kidneys and you'll pee on my table... You really DON'T need deep pressure throughout the whole body, it's just not good for you!

I don't mind if you moan on my table.. I know I got skills, but the chiropractor looks at me funny when I come out the room after he's heard u say stuff like "YEA THAT'S THE SPOT! STAY RIIIIIGHT THERE, SWEETIE!! MMMMHMMMMM!" Tone it down a bit, sweets. Mkay?*

Ooh.. woops! hehe! I hope he's sleep and he doesn't get a whif of THAT! Woo! What did I have today?? Did we share a bowl of Shitty pebbles?
:)